unexpected

i've been housesitting for a friend here in the small town where i lived before moving to the city.  i've been here for almost a week and the feelings that have surfaced are unexpected. very unexpected. i agreed to stay to take care of the house as well as two dogs, thinking that i would spend mostly nights, returning to the city during the day. i haven't. however today, i wanted to drive in to check on my little city place and pick up a few things.  i really wasn't thinking much, enjoying the company of the friend who came along for the drive, when we arrived out front in my usual parking spot. as i looked around, it felt strange, as though i had been gone for quite some time. i thought i would feel happy to be back but i felt differently. i sat in the car for a few minutes and tried to recognize those feelings. unexpected. hmmm, i'm still musing on those feelings, now several hours later. unexpected feelings for this city girl.

beginning

i'm not exactly sure why i'm calling this post beginning- maybe i'm just exceptionally tired, maybe a new beginning is how i should feel about things at the moment. it seems that my head is so jumbly. full. confused. happy and grateful. curious  i am horrible with patience. and lately, i've been wanting to figure out why things are the way they are and there just doesn't seem to be an answer.  i know sometimes it takes a while to figure out but i need to know. i'm hoping for reasons.  maybe everything doesn't have a reason or maybe it takes a long time because it's supposed to.  i find myself typing randomly to keep from getting to the point. which. is.
i'm leaving the city. leaving the balcony. leaving the sidewalks.  leaving the top of the science museum at night. leaving the beauty of the city. hopefully this beginning is only temporary.