parties

We throw a big party every year around this time.  Several years ago, when we bought this very large house, it seemed the perfect place to have a big gathering- a time to let go and eat, drink, dance, talk, meet, laugh-the regular party things.  Not wanting to leave anyone out, we usually invite about two hundred people and most years, about one hundred fifty come, wandering and in and out throughout the night. Some come at seven and stay until three and others, anytime in between. We have neighbors, friends, co-workers, family and sometimes, friends of friends that we've never met.  This year, I started to think about how the party would change if I moved, into an apartment in the city.  I often think that this house is too big although we seem to use all of it and especially during the party.  I imagine myself in a large apartment but not one big enough to hold as many people as this house certainly. So, how would that change things? It seems to strange to think about no winter party (really?) if I lived in the city...

bones

Is there really such a thing as 'feeling it in your bones'? really. Is it the feeling you get when you love something so much that it's undeniable-but what if that changes?  Is it still in your bones?  Can it be there sometimes and not others?  I am wondering if my love/attachment/obsession/wonder is deep within me-if I would give up everything to change this life, this small town life. What about that feeling that washes over me when I see the city skyline, the endless possibilities-yes, I believe it's in my bones.  I feel no connection to anywhere else, no real sense of belonging even though I've called this place my home for fifteen years. Wow-that's the first time I've written that and it seems like forever. Yes, I want to go to the city. It's in my bones.

finally

Wow, it's been far too long since I've been able to sit down and write- as I check the date since my last post. Things have been entirely too busy, out of sorts, surreal for the last several months.  It seems like Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all happened in one day and then, well, I'll just say (in the interest of keeping things as private as I can on a public blog-weird) that the month of January flew by too and here it is, almost February.  Things may be changing in my life soon. This blog, one day a city girl, may well be coming true. Even weirder. I may just leave this small town and venture down to the city.  I've been looking around, trying to decide if my dreams really came true, would they still be as appealing?  Still, just driving into the city makes my belly flip, just a little...