too long

it's hard to believe it's been since last september since i've tried to make sense of my jumble-y thoughts. then, i had just moved back to my city place- again- for the second time- and it seems i felt somewhere in the middle of two lives, two loves perhaps.  while it's been almost six months since i've written, that feeling really hasn't changed too much but i'm learning to make peace with it.  it never gets easier, leaving the familiar small place but learning to be alone without being lonely in the city gets a tiny bit easier i suppose as time goes on. i often have to remind myself that i seem to feel a little more gray in the winter and make extra efforts to feel connected somehow to wherever i am really.
spring is my favorite time and it is coming soon and i'll be able to open windows, feel the warm sun and breeze and know,  just a little bit more, that everything will be ok. there is a big tree just outside my window on the third floor. in winter, when all of its leaves are gone, i can see the early afternoon sunset and the shadows on the roof lines. when the spring comes and the summer follows, the tree is full with new leaves, filling my window view with green and beckoning me to come outside. maybe i am realizing that both are beautiful in their own way- changing of the seasons in the city and some thoughts too.