trees

To know that I love the city so much and all of the energy, life and constant movement it brings, I am sometimes surprised, really surprised about the beauty of nature and that every now and then, I find myself in a place wondering how I could possibly love the city at all.

Today, I spent a beautiful afternoon with some friends at their bonsai nursery, in the middle of the country, far from the noise of the city, the hardness of the sidewalks and the endless streams of people. It was lovely. No shoes, the most amazing bonsai trees you could imagine, some as old at 300 years and quiet. I bet if I had listened closely, some of those trees would have been whispering to me, asking me why I think about the city life so much-what could it have to offer? I suppose though, that while I love to visit there, I just might get restless if I stayed for too long-thank goodness I can go whenever they'll have me and hopefully can, even if I live in the city one day...

decisions

As we grow older, it seems that more decisions come our way-so much thinking to do. Our heads are already full of day to day thoughts, plans for the future, visions of what we think and hope life might be like down the road. What I know is, there is a lot of life left and decisions to consider but where do we find the answers? In our head? In our heart? From talks with friends? Is there really truth to following your own path? What about others that might be affected by our decisions? Sometimes, it's as easy as making a list-writing down things you like about a decision and things you don't like so much. In matters of the heart though-big, deep emotional questions that make your chin shake when you try to talk about them-what to do? Challenges are present everyday I suppose and certainly we get through them-perhaps the decisions that we're forced to make are not really decisions at all...maybe our journey has already been chosen, for us, by us, in another lifetime. Perhaps, that lifetime was in the city...

people watching

My last day in the city for a while although I'm tempted to take a day in a month or two, no work, just to do this-watch people in the city.

*Young couple- late 20's maybe. Him- jeans, blue t-shirt, thin, sun glasses, quiet. Her- louder, thinner, jeans, flip flops, pony tail. Chatting quickly, both on i-phones, comparing them.

*Man- plaid shirt, shorts, brown sandals, reading the paper, conservative haircut, frowning.

*Man- brown shoes, jeans, black computer bag, laptop, focused.

*Man to my left- homeless? two bags, blue pants and shirt, drinking water (at least 3 by now), reading magazines and smelling the perfume samples, smelly, smiled at me when he came in.

*Couple-30's? Her- bra straps showing on sides from tank top, dyed hair, bad haircut. Him- crossed legs, short haircut, talker.

*Two women- one louder with very loud laugh, reading paper and talking at the same time.

*Man- just entered looking hurried, frat boy.

*Woman- white tank top, bra showing, clunky tennis shoes, not aware of fashion, just looked at me while typing about her, smiled.

I wonder how I might describe me if I saw me come in the door of a city coffee shop....

time

This week has been nice so far and one I look forward to each summer. My girl enjoys an art class in the city for a week and so I am given three hours each morning to do as I please, no rules, no obligations, no boundaries. I have found myself in a coffee shop this morning, watching people come in and out, listening to small bits of conversation, thinking about time and wondering why it often feels uneven. Uneven in the sense of long days when younger and shorter days when older-it sounds so cliche' I know but as the time passes, I find it to be more true than I could have imagined. I have so much more to do-slow down I say, take it easy, give me longer days. Shouldn't the days pass quickly when one is small and unknowing and slow down later when one is filled with so many ideas and thoughts? Perhaps, later, time will slow again and the days will seem lazy and relaxed but then again, will I really like that? Be careful, I'm thinking... the city life or what I think it is, may not be exactly what I wish for...

the city

So, I'm here in this small town, lovely by all accounts but I often find myself dreaming of the city life-a small, modern apartment, no car to worry about, walks to the market, dinners with friends, browsing around museums, shopping at little quirky boutiques...

Would it be the same as I imagine? Would I miss the life that I know here, in this place? Would I miss driving my car with the windows open and the music playing? Would I miss drives to work in the country, with cows and combines and fields of vegetables?

I wonder if the day will come when I will sell it all and give the rest away and just go-go to a city to adopt the urban lifestyle. I had it once, in my twenties but life was different then, without a career, a daughter, a significant other and responsibilities that come with this life.

Would it be the life I dream of? Am I feeling as though I want to leave this or adventure to that? It's difficult to tell but perhaps these writings about the city and other thoughts will begin to help me sort through it all...