me

it's me wandering about
looking around
it's me wondering
where i should be
it's me thinking about this
for too long
it's me holding things
and rearranging
it's me reading words
getting lost in the story
it's me wanting to be
here and somewhere else
it's me walking
on the sidewalks
it's me working
but my mind keeps wandering
it's me procrastinating
needing to finish
it's me being late
and wishing for difference
it's me listening to music
to escape
it's me as a city girl
trying to figure it all out.

list four

morning
sounds
wondering
birds
talking
washing
faucets
footsteps
barking
laughing
breezy
thoughts
typing
parking
closing
opening
steaming
whistling
singing
showering
leaving
returning

spring

finally, it's here. the best time of the year and the most beautiful time in the city. lots to do and see- summer music, eating outside, walking through the alleyways (so much better than taking the sidewalks which can be pretty crowded sometimes and they're all so different), sitting on the balcony, watching all the wonderful gardens bloom into life. i'm happy here, mostly, although i miss my friends the most and wish i could wave a magic wand and bring them all downtown.  i've connected with a few people since being back but since i'm not here all the time, it's tricky to meet with different schedules. but, it's okay really as i don't mind running around by myself, riding my bike or my longboard. hmmm, it's a new city thing- finding just a little bit of courage to ride her on the sidewalks but i will. i will. i'll just just keep telling myself that. oh and another neat city thing- watching fireworks out on my little balcony from the big stadium nearby after a baseball game. i forgot about that special little city thing until just now.

too long

it's hard to believe it's been since last september since i've tried to make sense of my jumble-y thoughts. then, i had just moved back to my city place- again- for the second time- and it seems i felt somewhere in the middle of two lives, two loves perhaps.  while it's been almost six months since i've written, that feeling really hasn't changed too much but i'm learning to make peace with it.  it never gets easier, leaving the familiar small place but learning to be alone without being lonely in the city gets a tiny bit easier i suppose as time goes on. i often have to remind myself that i seem to feel a little more gray in the winter and make extra efforts to feel connected somehow to wherever i am really.
spring is my favorite time and it is coming soon and i'll be able to open windows, feel the warm sun and breeze and know,  just a little bit more, that everything will be ok. there is a big tree just outside my window on the third floor. in winter, when all of its leaves are gone, i can see the early afternoon sunset and the shadows on the roof lines. when the spring comes and the summer follows, the tree is full with new leaves, filling my window view with green and beckoning me to come outside. maybe i am realizing that both are beautiful in their own way- changing of the seasons in the city and some thoughts too.