change

I'm sitting here in this big house in this small town with chilly toes, still dressed from work today despite this late hour.  I should have gone to bed a long time ago- my daughter, unable to sleep earlier but finally dozing now, is curled up in my warm bed. Even though I want to crawl in beside her because she is the one constant in my life, I remain awake, change weighing heavily on my mind.  It's one thing to dream of a place, a lifestyle, for a time wondering when and if it might happen. And another all together when, just like that, things begin to happen and one realizes that thoughts in dreams really can come, quickly, when least expected. Change is there, ready and waiting. Change from small town to big city.  Change from big house to small villa.  Change to one day soon a city girl.

fan girl

Dear little villa,
I have been dreaming of you for some time now.  Lately, things have changed and the reality of you and me together is more possible than ever.  I can't get you off my mind.  I have been to the city to see you three times over the last few weeks and with each visit, I fall more in love with you.  Our thoughts are the same I know- you are longing for someone to cherish you and handle you with care and I am ready to give myself to you- devote my time and energy to make us feel like one.  Will you wait for me?  I will be there as soon as I can and we can start a new life together.  It will be wonderful.  We'll have parties, play good music and relax in the quiet times- we'll make lots of memories that will last a lifetime.
Love, fan girl.

home

I've returned home from four days in New York City and realized that I had missed her terribly.  There really isn't anywhere else on earth that even comes close to the feelings that she stirs in me- possibility, adventure, exploration.  I'll admit that I'm still learning my way around, still figuring how/when/where the subways travel, where the boroughs are in relation to one another and with each trip, I learn more and observe more and become a little less tourist and a little more visitor.  I loved watching the musicians, children, wanderers, and wide-eyed newcomers make their own experience.  I certainly do make mine but I have to wonder this time, if I have returned home or did I just leave it?

new york city

Tomorrow I travel to New York City.  I'm craving her energy, her spirit, her sights and sounds.  I can hardly wait to walk her sidewalks, ride her subways, sit in her grass.  I'll go to Harlem and the East Village for certain and then-anywhere else that sparks my desire.  I'll walk for blocks and blocks, looking up at the massive buildings and all around me, so many people with so many stories.  I'll drink coffee in Bryant Park and imagine what it must have been like during fashion week-the hustle and bustle, the glamour, the rush of it all.  I'll sit outside, on the steps of the library and wait for the bus to arrive, stealing glimpses of shoes and wondering for as long as I like, why? Why the city? Perhaps I don't really need an answer at all...